In case the last post wasn't obvious, this is a blog for my rants, concerning anything and everything. I might swear a little, so again, fair warning. I could talk about TV, but maybe later. Why I'm referring to people as if I actually have an audience remains a mystery.
The concept of family is an interesting one because it's so complex. I would be willing to bet most people have had to put up with the aggravations of family. You know what I mean. Nobody will give you peace or privacy even when you've locked your door. Did you know that a house comes with a ridiculous amount of skeleton keys?? At any rate my house did. I have reason to believe that a curse has been placed upon me. For as long as I can remember, I've never had a door which fulfilled its duty as a door. I've moved to different houses a number of times, and each time it was the same. The lock on the doors never succeeded in actually keeping people out. They might as well not exist. Some of you might be saying "But wait, that's not the door's fault. It's the lock that's the problem." THE DOOR AND LOCK ARE ONE. Just like Iron Man, they're inseparable. Well, okay, technically there was some of that, but let's assume that there are no Norman or Obadiah-esque assholes in this analogy. Did you know that you could probably just shove the door open instead of turning the handle? Nobody in my family, except maybe my mom, understands that when a door is locked, you are supposed to go away. Instead they will do everything in their power to barge in and then annoy me as much as possible.
People who make locks on doors need to be fired, by the way. The only reason there's not more break-ins is probably because more people haven't made the connection that you don't need to actually turn the handle to get inside a room. Don't you start!! You were about to perhaps show me some statistics of how break-ins happen. Stuff it. My doors can either be shoved open when locked, not have a lock in the first place, or be easily picked with any of the endless skeleton keys left here. I do mean endless. Okay, I can see that in an emergency, perhaps you would need one of these keys, but it is entirely necessary to have piles of them? What's more, they're stuck in weird places. It's like a scavenger hunt!! Who knows where you'll find one next?! Huh. It's just occurred to me that perhaps I ought not to talk about how easy it is to break into my room. Trust me, there's nothing worthwhile in here. There's also no secret passageway leading to untold riches either.
Somehow this really became a rant about keys. It was going to be something else, but here we are. I don't expect the curse of the locks will be lifted anytime soon. It would be really great if I could just have my problems solved like how they do it in television. The Winchesters would conveniently show up on my doorstep saying, "Hey we just met you, and this is crazy, but there is some fucked up shit going on and you have to believe us. Sammy do the puppy eyes! We're going to need salt and a lot of guns. You're welcome." They'd drive off blaring AC/DC as I watch, and life is all dandy again, at least for me. Sadly the odds of that happening are almost nonexistent. They don't seem to come to Minnesota a lot. In fact I get the eerie feeling that very few people like coming here. I have no basis for this feeling, but I feel it in my gut so it must be true.
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